Advice on How to Talk to Your Children About War

Philadelphia, PA, March 27, 2003 — With televisions and newspapers filled with images of soldiers at war in Iraq, it’s not possible to shield children from this unsettling reality. Parents and caregivers have questions about how much they should tell children about the war and what they can do to help children feel safe. For families who have a loved one stationed at the war, their home life is considerably disrupted, and all the family members will feel a great deal of uncertainty. In this situation, children of all ages will have questions and a need to know what to expect in the days to come.

Linda Hershman, MS, a marriage and family therapist at Belmont Center for Comprehensive Treatment in Philadelphia, recommends that when talking to children about war, provide extra reassurance and support to help them feel safe. If the child is old enough to ask about the dangers of war, provide information that is appropriate to their developmental level using words that they can easily understand. Don’t overwhelm them with too much information since it may create anxiety and worry.

Ms. Hershman offers the following suggestions to help children cope with fears about war:

• Allow your children to talk about their feelings. Validate their concerns by letting them know that what they’re feeling is normal. Don’t try and “fix” things by giving advice; just let them know you understand what they’re going through.
• Try to instill a sense of safety. You can be honest and also offer reassurance by saying that while we can’t predict the future, there are people in charge of our country who are doing everything they can to end the war quickly and bring our soldiers home safely.
• Be on the look out for behavior changes in your children and teenagers. These may include (but are not limited to): nightmares, sleeplessness, crying spells, appetite changes, obsessive thoughts, behavior problems, mood swings or withdrawal.
• When stressed, younger children often become aggressive and defiant, refusing to go to bed or school. Or, they may regress and start sucking their thumb or bed wetting. Some children may become clingy and have separation anxiety from their parents. For older children, their anxiety may manifest with physical ailments such as headaches or stomachaches. Angry outbursts can be a symptom of anxiety. Older children may also become obsessed with watching TV. Limit TV viewing since it will only stir up fears.
• Encourage children to talk about their feelings with you or another trusted adult. If worrisome behaviors persist, consider seeking a therapist or asking the school guidance counselor to help your child develop coping tools. Pay close attention to your teens. Adolescents can be reluctant to discuss feelings. If they have difficulty talking to you, understand that this is normal for their age. Offer to help them find support through school, a professional, or family friend with whom they have a good relationship.
• Give children a sense of normalcy by encouraging a return to usual activities, i.e., sports, spending time with friends, family events.
• For parents and caregivers, take care of yourself. Eat well, get enough sleep, continue exercising and doing things you enjoy. Children take cues from the adults around them. Caring for yourself will provide reassurance and give you needed strength to deal with y our children’s fears.
• For families with a loved one stationed in Iraq, discuss the responsibility the soldier in the family has to do his/her duty. Allow the children to express their fears and let them know that adults also have fears.

Belmont Center for Comprehensive Treatment, part of Albert Einstein Healthcare Network, is one of the largest behavioral health systems in Philadelphia. For more than 60 years, Belmont Center for Comprehensive Treatment has provided compassionate, quality mental health care to people of all ages. Belmont treats a variety of emotional and psychiatric problems, including substance abuse, eating disorders, depression and anxiety disorders, among others. For more information, call 1-800-EINSTEIN, or visit www.einstein.edu. Back to Top

Publish date: March 27, 2003