Recovery Stories - James' story

Recovery from a lifetime spent swinging from mania to deep depression and mixing alcohol with medications to numb the pain.

"The road to recovering often has strange or unusual beginnings..."

My story begins with a repo man. Strange, I know, but then the road to recovering often has strange or unusual beginnings, twists and turns and stops along the way. Early one morning, at about 3 a.m. I was awakened by the unmistakable din of a tow truck. I peeked out my window and saw my wonderful brand new Jetta being hoisted onto the flatbed. Shortly after, the doorbell rang. I answered to find the truck driver, holding a document I was supposed to sign, which acknowledged he had taken my car. I remember apologizing for my sins, as if he were the Volkswagen sales manager, rather than a somewhat unkempt tow operator.

This was the final eye-opener for me. I had already lost my wife, my apartment, a very good job, all my excellent credit. And now my car. Isn’t it wonderful what mania can do! From mania I tumbled into a deep depressive state. Even though I was seeing a therapist and taking meds, I was mixing alcohol with medications, trying to numb my pain and forget that I had essentially destroyed my life.

Shortly after my car was taken, I checked myself into a nearby hospital, where I spent the next 10 days or so. As my new meds kicked in, and my mood improved I felt confined and restless. So I did a lot of pacing through the hallways. And a lot of thinking about what I would or should do with my life. Suddenly I had an epiphany: I realized there was nothing I knew better than mental illness, and therefore the mental health field was where I should be.

Voila! After three years of taking recovering seriously, taking my meds consistently, and seeing my therapist on a regular basis, I now work at Belmont Center, where I am a therapist — actually a “peer provider” but “therapist” has a better ring and my ID badge bears this label.

This has been, and is, the most rewarding and therapeutic experience of my life. I have an opportunity to work with two diverse populations: adults with mixed diagnoses and adults with affective disorders. I learn something every day from each group. I give a lot of myself to them. And many times they give back to me. When this happens, as they say in the credit card ads, it is priceless.

I’ll end with an analogy: Recovering is like a trip down the yellow brick road. At some point along the way you will realize that, all along, you were smart, brave and had heart. More importantly, you will come to learn that you are the Wizard. You’ll also discover that Kansas is long way away and that your return trip begins with one step at a time.