Recovery Stories - Cathy's story: "Fallen Leaves"

Recovery from depression and abuse.

“I was losing my marriage, my job, and my sanity…”

Like a tree changing in the autumn midst, my world was colorful, and as the sap stops flowing for its dormant period, my tree began to lose its leaves, one leaf at a time, overall becoming bare. There was no new growth to flourish.

My childhood, filled with comfort and care, could easily be turned into a home of alcoholism and domestic violence. I see now that that was the first of many leaves to fall during my lifetime.

For me maintaining a friendship was difficult to pursue as they dissipated as quickly as they began. The only structured outside activities for me was being on the swimming team and singing in the chorale.

When I met the love of my life, I thought all my dreams would come true. Instead my world turned into a mighty storm with hurricane force winds that escalated into the uprooting of my tree. I was losing my marriage, my job, and my sanity. I was losing sleep and medicating myself with alcohol to ease the pain and the burden that had been placed upon me. The task was more than I could endure.

Realizing I needed help, my employer set the wheels in motion.  The help I received at that time was not sufficient. Through an act of desperation, I made an attempt on my life that caused me to be hospitalized.  In the hospital, I received constant, vigilant care for a long period of time. Progress was slow, and I made other attempts to end my life.  Through the diligence and compassion of someone who never turned away from me, even when I went far into the darkness for many years, I recovered. To that person I owe my life. If it were not for that person, I would not have ever seen the smiles or laughter of my grandchildren or seen their high school graduations.  I would not have relationships with many of the people who are now part of my life, nor would I be able to help someone just like you today.

Mental illness is a long traveled journey. It has its darkness and light. It is hard and suppressing. But, with research, continued therapy, medication maintenance, learning coping skills and taking an active role in your treatment, you can make each day count, one at a time.

Though the tree of my life waxed dormant for a long period of time, the sap of the tree is now flowing; new leaves have begun to sprout. As each day passes, they will come into full bloom with its branches reaching out to the sky to grasp the sunlight making it strong and sturdy.

I hope I have given you some sort of positive outlook, that is my intention and it is within my heart that I care about each consumer of the mental health system and all the professional staff who help when the leaves are falling from the trees of life.